Up the animals…

It won’t have escaped anyone’s notice (I don’t think) that I’ve been quiet here of late. Preparing the ebook festival. Reasonable amounts of work, but hey, it’s all worth it, isn’t it?  You think.  Well the festival is less than three hours old and look what’s happened…

Animals against the ebook festival.

You let one sheep headline at an ebook festival and look what happens. Less than an hour after the start of the annual Edinburgh eBook festival and a facebook group ANIMALS AGAINST THE EBOOK FESTIVAL has started and is gathering pace, threatening to trend on Twitter and undermine months of hard work on behalf of  yours truly and loads of other ‘real’ writers. I mean real ‘human’ writers.  Okay, it’s not the fault of Derek the Weathersheep (forecasting for us every day at high noon) but really, you’d think that animals had more manners.

I have my suspicions that the group was started by my very own Hector – it’s not the first time he’s hacked into my facebook account.  But pretty soon Shuggie Macewe joined in (and he is seriously jealous of Derek) Shuggie is, after all, a Scottish Sheep and cannot see why we’ve got some Welsh upstart headlining. Uh, that’s because he’s a) a celebrity and b) has an unnatural talent for forecasting the weather, Shuggie, whereas ewe, sorry, you…  you have few if no obvious talents for anything. You wouldn’t even make a decent mutton stew.  Mint sauce would turn its nose up at  you, that’s for sure.

Well, anyway, the movement has picked up pace. Fish have joined. Cats have joined. Rats have joined. The historic Turra  Coo has lent support.  It’s a veritable cornucopia of the animal kingdom such as has not been seen since Orwell’s Animal Farm and they have all got together with one purpose in mind – to complain about the ebook festival.

Which is kind of rich given that more than one of these animals have their own ebooks or digital presence. It reeks of jealousy quite frankly.  Word has it that Shuggie is off penning his own ‘tract’ against Derek’s Fifteen Grades of Hay erotic trilogy.  Don’t tell him that Presbyterian inspired religious tracts are unlikely to get the following that sheep erotica has managed.

Brendan Gisby’s ‘rats’ are up in arms. (The Island of Whispers)  Dennis Hamley’s Cat (The Spirit of the Place) is similarly positioned. Now why they can’t obey the natural order of things – dogs chase cats, cats chase rats and just get on with it, I don’t know.  But maybe we should look for the positives. Maybe it’s taken this to bring the animal kingdom together with one voice. Harmony with nature while we humans are virtually interacting with the written page. It makes you think.

So, whether you’re with the animals and think the ebook festival is a waste of time, or whether you’re hanging out there 12 hours a day till your eyes boggle, it’s just not possible to sit on the fence any longer. As any self respecting animal will tell you, fences are not for sitting on, they are for jumping over. Or getting stuck in.  Whatever your position, take a stand.

Join Animals Against the eBook festival HERE and if you know ebooks written by animals, feel free to promote them in this group! Who knows, Animals Against the ebook festival might even get their own slot, or festival.. or take over the world. It could happen.

or if you’re more ‘human’ then LIKE the ebook festival Facebook page here

Tweet about it and tell the world.  This is a battle which is destined to run the duration of the festival.  You will be proud to tell your pets you were there. Virtually.

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About callyphillips
Writer.

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